Family Meetings
"My sisters and I can never agree on what is best for Dad - Jane wants to look at nursing home placement, and Margaret thinks she can manage with an in-home aide. We argue a lot over the phone, but nothing gets resolved."
How can you and your family work together to meet the challenges of caregiving? Call a family meeting. Invite all interested relatives to discuss concerns about Dad. If your father is able, be sure to involve him. Begin by stating your issues, as factually as possible and allow all participants to present their views. Gather information, and begin to make a plan. Identify who will be responsible for carrying out each step.
TIPS FOR SUCCESSFUL FAMILY MEETINGS:
- Come prepared with notes about the issues you would like to address. Bring information about programs and services you are considering (if applicable).
- Respect the feelings and wishes of the older person, who may be struggling to maintain independence and dignity despite failing health.
- Find out the facts about your loved one's options. For example, can he/she afford assisted living?
- Listed carefully to the views of other family members, even when they differ greatly from your own.
- Use "I" statements to express feelings - do not accuse or attack each other.
- Divide up responsibilities - everyone should get an assignment, to avoid feelings or resentment ("I'm doing all the work").
- Consider inviting professional care manager or social workers to help run the meeting if tensions are running high in the family. (Call Senior Information and Assistance at 410.638.3025 in Harford County or Eldercare Locator at 1.800.677.1116 to find a case manager out of town.)
- Plan a "follow-up" meeting, two or three months after the initial one, to evaluate the plan and make any necessary changes.
- Have someone take notes on the meeting (preferably a family member other than yourself). This allows for clarity after the meeting and provides focus for future action.
Caregiving involves many challenging decisions, from choosing an in-home aide to finding a nursing home and resolving end-of-life issues. Communication among family members is the key to providing the best care for your older relative.
From Caregiving From Near and Far, with permissions from Baltimore County Department of Aging.
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